Some new earrings I’m working on…
28 Feb 2014 Leave a comment
26 Nov 2013 Leave a comment
(Written on 25th April 2011)
I wish that you wake up each day filled with energy, excitement and gratitude, knowing that even more adventures and fun await you.
I wish that you are doing what you love the most, and prospering from your joyful service to others.
I wish you everlasting financial freedom so you can relax, and enjoy all the prosperity Love wants you to enjoy.
I wish that your life overflows with love and abundance of all forms, blessing you in ways you could never have imagined.
I wish that you find the trust, faith and courage to follow your heart and soul’s calling no matter what or who tries to stop you.
I wish you relief and release from all the hurt, fear, anxiety and regret of your past.
I wish that you love yourself deeply, truly…and know how unconditionally loved you already are (by Love, me and countless others).
I wish that you choose to step up into your light, to sparkle and shine from within, and inspire others around you to do the same.
I wish that you know, feel and believe that you are a magnificent, incredible, amazing master of light who is the creator of your reality.
I wish that your struggles end, and your celebrations begin!
I Love You…
22 Nov 2013 Leave a comment
(Written on 15th June 2011)
I’ve made a lot of “mistakes” in my life. I’ve done things I shouldn’t have done, said things I shouldn’t have said, gotten myself into situations I probably should have avoided….or did I? When I look back at these “mistakes” I find in them my greatest lessons, I see that as painful or embarrassing as some of them were, they were the most life-changing moments I’ve had. They are the very things that helped me define who I am, that caused me to look within myself.
There is a song I love by Alanis Morrisette called “You Live, You Learn” that talks about making mistakes and how these mistakes help you learn. She says things like “I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone…I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at anytime”. She says that the smoke of our mistakes will eventually clear and we’ll have learned. How true is that? Life has no manual, we don’t come out of the womb with a set of instructions. And though we have the benefit of wisdom from others about life, be it our parents or spiritual guides, it still is a trial and error process. And if you’re like me, you’ve had moments where you feel like you’re stumbling along, trying to find your way. And in these moments, you slip, you fall, and sometimes you even hurt other people in the process.
Most of the time, we’re so hard on ourselves, we expect that we shouldn’t make mistakes, we shouldn’t ever veer off the path of “right” decisions, and when we do, there’s a lot of guilt and self-loathing, a lot of wallowing in the mud of our mistakes, and we don’t let up until we feel sufficiently punished for our stupidity. And unfortunately, we tend to treat others the way we do ourselves. We look at other people’s mistakes and judge them. But, I wonder, if this is something we all do, make the “wrong” decision every now and then, why haven’t we accepted it as a part of humanity, and why don’t we cut each other some slack? But even deeper than that, when we know that everything truly works out for own good, why don’t we appreciate these mistakes as the blessings that they are?
As we refuse to let ourselves off the hook for them, we become paralyzed by fear of making them again. How many of us have made the “mistake” of falling in love with the wrong person, and went on to shut our hearts down? We vow to never make the same mistake again, or even if we date again, we hold back and refuse to be vulnerable, waiting for some kind of guarantee that our partner won’t hurt us. And at the very first sign of possible hurt, we quickly put up our defenses. The thing about life, though is that there can be no guarantees. And as we shut ourselves away, and measure our every step, analyze our every action, we lose out because life is everything…the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. If we shut something out, we shut it all out. As Jay-Z says, “I have learned the most from my failures. I have never figured out how to learn from success.”
18 Nov 2013 Leave a comment
(Written on January 13th 2011)
Religion has always kind of been a mystery to me- any kind of organized religion, that is. I have always desired a relationship with God, ever since I can remember, my heart has always felt drawn to this Higher Power that is responsible for creating such wondrous, marvelous things. I have always understood that I am a part of something bigger. Never in my mind, was there ever a doubt of the existence of a Divine Source, all I ever had to do was look at trees, clouds, the sun, animals, and I would see some mighty intelligence at work- the evidence of something incredibly creative and caring, to provide such beauty for us to enjoy. What always baffled me was the description of this Deity. This one, who apparently loved us all unconditionally, who was always there for us, told us to never fear, he would never forsake us. But the very same one, whose love was conditional, for you only got to enjoy it if you followed certain rules. This one, who excluded certain people, and was going to have a big judging ceremony one day, where everyone would have their dirty laundry aired for the entire world to see.
But the most baffling idea for me was that He created us to worship Him. I couldn’t understand that! That, for me, was the height of arrogance. For a being to create an entire species, just so that they can sing praises to Him for ever and tell Him how wonderful He is. And not only that, but if you refused to do it, He would throw you into a never ending torture pit for ETERNITY! I tried to understand this, I worried about myself because everyone else seemed perfectly fine following this ideas that seemed so crazy to me. They all spoke of loving this Being so much, and finding joy and peace in following His commands. I was sure that there must be something wrong with me! And so, I wrestled with myself, just like Jacob fought with an angel, I fought myself, for a very long, dark night of endless confusion, stomach churning guilt and paralyzing fear. On the surface, I looked sure of my faith, and when asked I would say, without any kind of hesitation, that this was the best place to be. Inside, I was slowly dying. Now, let me just say here, that I respect personal faith and this is not meant to be an attack on religion or anyone’s faith. This is just an expression of my experience.
However, I had moments, short gorgeous ones, where I experienced the feeling of being loved and completely accepted. They usually happened when I was in nature. I would see a beautiful sunset, the way the sky would be splashed with all kinds of reds, oranges and pinks, and how, right at the moment the sun is dipping into the horizon, there would be this incredible silence, almost like the entire world stopped for a moment to honor the day’s end and the night’s beginning. I would take it all in and for a brief moment somewhere inside me, I would just know that the Being who created this was all love. For that brief moment I would bask in the possibility of a God who accepted me just as I was, who wouldn’t need me to follow any rules, who, just like a doting parent, when I made a mistake, would just shake their head in amusement, sigh and shrug their shoulders, then gather me in a warm, gentle hug saying with a smile, “It’s all going to be okay, you silly girl.” And I would feel all safe and secure. I would dream of a God, who waited for everyone, after their death, like a loving mother waiting for their child to come home from school. As, the child gets off the bus, she calls her child’s name and stretches her arms out as the child runs in for a huge hug and spin. And, as they walk home- where the mother has prepared a delicious meal, the mother takes the child’s heavy backpack and listens with amusement at the stories from school. I would imagine living a life where I didn’t have to feel guilty anymore, where I was just me and that was more than enough. Where, I never worried about burning in hell, where everybody was guaranteed of a happy ending, no one would burn forever. The weird thing is, this to me, was a perfect description of who God would be. I’d look at my own mother (a perfect earthly example of total unconditional love), who after all of the crazy things I did to her, no matter how much I disrespected her or hurt her, would still love me and always be on my side. And, I would imagine her, with all her humanness, setting me on fire even for two minutes and standing by and ignoring it. How? And so, how would God, made from pure love, willingly put his creation, who he loves with an everlasting love, through infinitely worse torture, for the sake of justice?
Another thing that I never understood was how, in every kind of religion, the particular group believed themselves to be the right, chosen ones and the rest of the world, the wrong wayward ones who must be told of the errors of their ways. I remember a day, a little over a year ago, when my older sister was visiting from the states. We were in the kitchen, having a discussion about God. At the time, in my quest to find the kind of loving God I had always imagined, I was studying the bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses. And I was trying to tell my sister about God, opening the discussion so I could preach to her (as I was being taught to do by the masters of preaching!), and she said something that, she doesn’t even know, changed the entire course of my spiritual life. She said something like, “The problem I have with most religions is that the followers of any particular one, believe that they know exactly who God is. To me, that is such an arrogant statement for a group of people to think that they are in possession of the complete picture of God and the rest of us aren’t!” That statement blew my mind. I couldn’t think of a bible verse or any kind of argument for that! Indeed, who am I to decide that your experience of God is the wrong one, and I have the right one? And why would I ever disregard the experience of God that I’m having, and let someone else tell me who God is to me? If in my relationships with people, I can’t have the same kind of relationship with everyone in my life, if I relate to each person in a different way, wouldn’t it stand to reason that an infinite Being would be infinite also in the ways She appears to people, in the ways He relates to people?
One of my mentors is the author Elizabeth Gilbert- of course she has no idea that she is my mentor, or even that I exist! In her book, Eat, Pray, Love she talks about how to her, religious practices are like transportation to the Divine. They are simply meant to be the means of getting you to God, but we get too wrapped up in them. She tells of a cautionary tale that the Indians around the ashram she stayed in during the “Pray” part of her journey, tell about religious practices. There was a saint and his devotees who would meditate on God for hours a day. The only problem was, there was an annoying cat that would wander into the temple and start purring and meowing, interrupting the meditation. And so, the saint decided to have the cat tied to a pole, during the hours of meditation. This became a habit- tying the cat to the pole and then meditating. Eventually, it became a spiritual ritual. The followers of the saint would not be able to meditate without first tying the cat to the pole. One day, the cat died, and they were at a complete loss as to what to do now. Religious practices are never meant to be the point of spirituality, they are only a means. Just like there are different modes of transportation, you can get to God in very many different ways. Whether you’re Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Catholic, Jewish, Protestant it doesn’t matter. Every religion carries within it threads of truth. Personally, I don’t believe that any one has the absolute full picture of the vastness of God, but I also don’t believe that’s the point of spirituality. I think that just as in life, there is always something more to learn, somewhere deeper to go, because God is infinite.
I believe that we’re all parts of God experiencing Herself, each of us a part of the whole of Him. Perhaps if we just honored the different parts that we are, recognizing that we all make up the whole, that none is more right than the other, we would begin, by our unity, to put together the pieces of the puzzle that God is. Then we would see that God is us, we are God.
16 Nov 2013 Leave a comment
Do you remember on 30th December I sent you a message telling you how I had to let go of you because I was starting to fall for you again and I knew you couldn’t be with me, so it was going to be pointless to go down this road. And you said to me that we could be together, you want me, you love me. Against all my better judgment, and against my gut feeling, I let myself start believing in our love again. You were expressing what you were feeling at that moment, but I knew what was going to happen, and I ignored it. But, on Saturday night when you left abruptly, I sat there as I watched you get dressed and run away like you had just figured out I was a dude or something, it hit me. You don’t want me. We can dress it up, call it fear, call it not being able to be with me right now, but the point is if you really wanted to, you would be. Simple as that. And it hurt me, it injured my ego, it almost begun to chip away at my self-esteem for moment. But, why should it? We choose what we choose, for whatever reasons we do. We create our lives. You have chosen your path, you have made your choices. So have I. And so, sitting in your arms on Sunday morning, talking to you, and feeling the wide chasm between us, looking in your eyes and seeing you trying to be kind, feeling how disconnected we both are, I almost wanted to laugh out loud, just as much as I wanted to cry and scream at myself! Sitting there, as wonderful, as strong, as amazing and beautiful as I am, acting like a child and not getting that it’s so over.
So, now I’m done, I’m out. Every experience in life is an opportunity to heal something in yourself so you can move on to a better version of who you are, if you choose to. This experience has brought to light so many insecurities that I thought were gone, that now I’m gonna spend time loving away. It’s time to love me again, which means accepting me as I am. I’m not going to be okay having you in my life anymore. I’m never going to be satisfied with having just a fraction of your attention, to the point where you can leave me as I’m naked on a bed. I’m never going to be okay being someone you keep pushing away, even as your words contradict your actions. I’m not okay with how you’ve been treating me. I have to protect the sacred ability that I have to love with my whole heart, because that is something amazing, and I was beginning to harden.
That’s really all I was saying in the text. Take care.
16 Nov 2013 Leave a comment
I found a bunch of stuff I’d written- short stories, a little poetry, and some pieces about life in general. I read through them and found them so interesting! I’d love to share them with the world, so I’m going to be posting them up for the next couple of weeks. Mostly because I want to be more regular with my writing, I want to share the wonderful things Love inspires me to write…. As always let me know what you think!
24 Sep 2013 Leave a comment
Love is here.
Acceptance is here.
I am here.
Loving you as you are.
I never leave you.
I stand by you.
In my name you are set free.
You think yourself unworthy,
You see yourself as incomplete,
You are never these things.
You are holy and blameless,
I love you my child.
Be free of this dis-ease,
It is what you are not.
Now be What You Are.
Light. Freedom. Victory. Success. Peace.
You Are Me. I Am You.
As We Are, always and forever.